O MiniVan, Where Art Thou?

We said goodbye this week to a family staple for over 7 years - our good ol' Oldsmobile Silhouette.  It drank it's last gallon of gas last week as we tried unsuccessfully to save it from an eventual broken head gasket.  The cost to repair was more than it was worth.  It was time to not put any more money into it.  On Friday, we sent it off on a tow truck on its way to a junk yard. 

It desperately tried to hang on to life until the very end when it refused to go into neutral as the wrecking crew tried to drag it away. Eventually, it caved and surrendered its will as it was driven off into the late afternoon sunset on Friday.  

Thanks for the memories, Oldsmobile. The many trips to Michigan, Florida, Texas, Atlanta and everywhere in between.  Not so many thanks for the many electrical repairs and the smelly floor mats.  We thought you had more life in you, Olds.  I guess it wasn't meant to be.  

Now, we're on the hunt for another van.  This one needs to carry 3 kids and the two of us.  We'll see what we can find.  Will it be the coveted Odyssey?  How about the next best, Sienna?  Or, it may be the outsider: a Kia or a Dodge Caravan.  We're actively looking now.  For now, though, we bid our former golden wonder goodbye and adieu.  Auf Wiedersehen, Oldsmobile.  It was a love-hate relationship with you.  But, being the eternal optimist, I choose to focus on all the good that you brought to us. 

Today

Today I am grateful for all those things that go missing because their absence reminds me of how blessed I am to have had them at all. - Kate Nowak

I Wish I Was Rich

For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot.

Romans 8:7

Just this morning, I thought to myself, "I wish I was rich." The more I thought about it, the more I thought that, though it would be nice to live even more comfortably and have more nice things and be able to give away more than I do, my mind being set on such things could be part of my human resistance to intimacy with God. Let us be reminded, first and foremost, to set our minds on the things of the Spirit. From that will come blessings more valuable than anything our flesh could long for.

Good Friday (Isaiah 52:13 - 53:12)

Isaiah 52:13

The Sin-Bearing Servant

    ¹³ Behold, My Servant shall deal prudently; 
      He shall be exalted and extolled and be very high. 
       ¹⁴ Just as many were astonished at you, 
      So His visage was marred more than any man, 
      And His form more than the sons of men; 
       ¹⁵ So shall He sprinkle many nations. 
      Kings shall shut their mouths at Him; 
      For what had not been told them they shall see, 
      And what they had not heard they shall consider. 

Isaiah 53

 ¹ Who has believed our report?
      And to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed? 
       ² For He shall grow up before Him as a tender plant, 
      And as a root out of dry ground. 
      He has no form or comeliness; 
      And when we see Him, 
      There is no beauty that we should desire Him. 
       ³ He is despised and rejected by men, 
      A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. 
      And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him; 
      He was despised, and we did not esteem Him. 
       ⁴ Surely He has borne our griefs 
      And carried our sorrows; 
      Yet we esteemed Him stricken, 
      Smitten by God, and afflicted. 
       ⁵ But He was wounded for our transgressions, 
      He was bruised for our iniquities; 
      The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, 
      And by His stripes we are healed. 
       ⁶ All we like sheep have gone astray; 
      We have turned, every one, to his own way; 
      And the LORD has laid on Him the iniquity of us all. 
       ⁷ He was oppressed and He was afflicted, 
      Yet He opened not His mouth; 
      He was led as a lamb to the slaughter, 
      And as a sheep before its shearers is silent, 
      So He opened not His mouth. 
       ⁸ He was taken from prison and from judgment, 
      And who will declare His generation? 
      For He was cut off from the land of the living; 
      For the transgressions of My people He was stricken. 
       ⁹ And they made His grave with the wicked— 
      But with the rich at His death, 
      Because He had done no violence, 
      Nor was any deceit in His mouth. 
       ¹⁰ Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise Him; 
      He has put Him to grief. 
      When You make His soul an offering for sin, 
      He shall see His seed, He shall prolong His days, 
      And the pleasure of the LORD shall prosper in His hand. 
       ¹¹ He shall see the labor of His soul, and be satisfied. 
      By His knowledge My righteous Servant shall justify many, 
      For He shall bear their iniquities. 
       ¹² Therefore I will divide Him a portion with the great, 
      And He shall divide the spoil with the strong, 
      Because He poured out His soul unto death, 
      And He was numbered with the transgressors, 
      And He bore the sin of many, 
      And made intercession for the transgressors.

Taken from New King James Version - www.biblegateway.com

Dreams For My Daughter

It's the middle of the early morning - 3:30am.  The power is out and I'm listening to my 18 day old daughter breathe while she sleeps.  There are no other noises in my house to distract me because the power is out.  I can't see her face because there is no light and storms are approaching so it's covering the full moon that's supposed to be out tonight.  All I can hear is her breathing.  I become aware of the beautiful sound of a newborn's sounds: an occasional coo, a little stir, a slight snort from some small object in her nose or nasal passage and the quiet consistency of her breath.  Life couldn't be more simple than this.  

As I listen to her breathe, she calms my own breathing, brings me to peace and I become thankful for the simple things of life.  This moment, holding my little girl, I become aware of the dreams I have for my daughter.  As I close my eyes and hear her breathe, I begin to think on all of the things we're going to experience together.  I get a new start at being a dad. I hear from my friends that being a dad to a girl is totally different than fathering sons.  So, I'm interested to see the differences.  For sure, I'll post my experiences in this blog of fathering a daughter.  

What does God have planned for this little one?  I can only live in the now and experience it day by day, one moment at a time.  Some days, I will only hold her for a few minutes.  Other days, I may hold her and play with her for hours.  

I dream of being present in my daughter's life.  I want to just be there - active and engaged and interested in her life.  I dream of the moments when my daughter is 3 or 4 and telling her she is beautiful as she is doing her hair or after she's gotten dressed.  I want to tell her she is beautiful all the time.  I want her to know she is loved and that she has such high worth in my life.  

A friend told me yesterday that Mom's give value to their children and Dad's give identity to them.  (That's an interesting blog post alone and maybe I'll write about that sometime)  I'm asking God now what identity will I give my daughter.  I pray I will make choices that will help her have an identity that is healthy emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. Spiritually, her identity is in Christ and that she sees a small picture of her heavenly Father in me, her earthly one.  I hope she will rest easy in who God made her.  I see her having tremendous potential and giftings and talents.  I see her being talented and gifted musically.  Her hands and fingers are unusually long compared to most newborns I've seen.  Maybe God made her to play piano and pursue music?  We'll see, but I want to encourage her in the desires of her heart and in the calling in her spirit.  I want to help her identify it and pursue it.  It's my job to help her as she grows in her journey of faith - to help her identify who she is, who God made her to be and what vocation she should choose.  

At the same time, it's not my job to pressure her to perfection.  It should not be a burden on her.  It should be easy and light - just as Christ's burden is light and His yoke is easy.  She is loved as she is and in what she eventually chooses.  I can't make her do something she's not ready to do or doesn't want to do.  I'm not going to push her, if anything, I'm going to lead her.  I'm going to lovingly serve her and lead her in the direction we both know she is to go.  

It will be an interesting ride.  Rather than plan out her entire life, I think I'll just enjoy the moment for now.  I will get caught up in her breathing.  I will be thankful for her right now.  I will be present with her now.  I will focus on making a connection with her.  I think I see her smiling at me and recognizing me and beginning to know me.  

I can't help but think that's really what my heavenly Father wants from me - to be known.  He wants me to draw closer to Him.  As I do, I will do the same with my little Anthem.  That's about all I need to for now.  I can handle that.

Pacifiers, Mylicon, TV Remotes and Nose Suckers

I'm trying not to fall down the stairs lately...I have a special package in my hand - my 2 week old baby girl, Anthem.  It's 3am and it's time for Daddy to take over.  

Mommy has just finished nursing and Anthem is still awake and fussing.  So, I, being the hero, gallantly take her in my arms, try not to stumble down the steps and quietly make my way across the creaking hardwood floor onto my usual spot: the leather couch.  There 
waiting for me, are my tools for the overnight: a pacifier, Mylicon (or generic gas relief) drops, my TV remote and my nose sucker.  All of this will get me through any problem I might have and keep me sane in the process.  

I watch a mix of Fox News, Golf Channel (The Masters is coming up!), ESPN, CNN or any of the local channels to see what's up in the world. 

A few switching of the sides of my arm or up on my shoulder, a few pacifier attempts, a couple of suctions of the nose, a rare diaper full of yellow stuff changing (thankfully) and maybe a mylicon drop or two and Anthem is asleep.

Usually, at around 4am, Anthem is finally in a deep sleep and I place her down somewhere comfortable.  Then, since I'm now wide awake, 
it's time to check emails, write a blog entry, do some admin work or get done whatever needs to get done in my business.  

I'm actually starting to like this early morning routine.  If I can get to sleep by 9:30pm, I get almost 6 hours sleep.  A little nap later in the day and I'm good to go.  

I wouldn't change this opportunity for the world.  I love my little girl.

He's Always Been Faithful

A video of our baby girl's birth.  Krissy sings a Sara Groves song, "He's Always Been Faithful".